This was not what I was expecting.
My heart is full of complexities, tangles, and knots
That transforms itself into a maze of “what its” and “what could have been”.
I cannot stop thinking about you even when I know you are not good for me.
Perhaps that was partially a lie because you treated me like a princess, a goddess, an angel.
But darling, by no means do I deserve to be placed on a pedestal.
I wanted to love you with every bone in my fragile body.
Yet in this moment in time I may be just too fragile and break myself before I ever even could believe that I could break you too.
In spite of how perfect you would have been for me, you were so wrong too.
You may have been the right one, the one that got away, the one that I crave in these dark hours of the night
Whose scent still permeates the night air as I feel the cool breeze blowing besides my window sill,
Whose lips I can still taste within my quenching mouth which finds the oasis in the nostalgia of our kisses,
Whose dark brown eyes stare back at mine deeply as I try to shut them even in the pitch blackness of this hollow empty room,
Whose laugh and voice resonates in my ears as I hear your favorite song play in the car,
But my dear, you are not what I need right now.
You are not in the stage to climb these impossible walls of mine, for you would just be climbing a deadly mountain as catastrophic as the Himalayas;
The decreasing lack to intake and breath any ounce of hope would cause you to suffocate.
You would surely suffer.
And all I can do is stand back and watch as my heart slowly crumbled and my mind became an avalanche because no matter what I do
I still somehow latch onto you.